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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
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seriously people, if you don't add my new livejournal, you will DIE. _tonightwedance
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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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ANNOUNCEMENT:
i took advantage of the free lj thing, and made a new journal, because i hate my user name. my new journal is: _tonightwedance. add me or DIE! and quickly.
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i called chris last night, but we only talked for a few minutes. i honestly don't know what to write about the conversation, because i have absolutely no idea what i wanted to hear from him, and i don't understand what he was saying. and from what i read in his journal, he doesn't understand what i'm saying, either. actually, he thinks the complete opposite of what i'm trying to get across to him. i'm frustrated. i wish we had more time.
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
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sometimes it's really hard being an edge kid. it's so discouraging when you're actually making admiral decisions that your parents would be happy with, but they don't believe you. its hard when your parents have this image of you being the "typical teenage" stereotype, when you go out of your way to not be. god forbid a kid my age actually respects their body, ya know?
i'm not trying to say that i'm better than any other person because i don't do drugs and have sex. don't think that at all. i'm just trying so hard to be a good kid, and it's not working because all kids tell their parents that they don't do drugs, so i must be lying, right? RIGHT?!. it's just so frustrating sometimes.
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so apparently saddam hussein has been captured. finally.
last night was fun, even though it was unexpected. last night also confirmed to me that being the only virgin isn't fun at all. someone really needs to have sex with me soon. i'm not even kidding.
steve is supposed to be here later, if he doesn't DIE in the snow storm. i'm really excited, but also afraid. and nervous. i mean, i haven't seen him in a year and a half. what if he thinks i'm ugly all of a sudden? what if he hates me?! haha, i know none of that stuff will happen. steve is in love with me.
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Saturday, December 13th, 2003
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i talked to becca this morning. she told me that she thinks that chris and i should work out our problems, because it's obvious that we both miss one another. i think she might be right for the most part. i think that i was sort of talked out of liking him by a few people, and that i was just trying to please everyone else by breaking up with him.
but i'm glad that we broke up though, because i honestly don't want to be "a girlfriend" right now. i just want to go on dates and have a good time with everyone, without worrying about who's heart i'm breaking, or who i might be considered cheating on. is that a crime???? (well if it is, then everyone is just going to have to get over it, because i don't know who or what i want right now.)
edit:
whats with the new free live-journal thing?! i've always thought livejournal was better than most of the other online-journal providers because you couldn't just make one out of no where. you needed a code. you needed to have connections. or money. so much for elitism. (and i don't know why this is angering me so much, but it is.)
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Friday, December 12th, 2003
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i'm not enjoying the complete nonchalance between chris and i. it's driving me crazy. in fact, its's more than just nonchalance. he almost completely ignores me when he sees me. i mean, i understand why. i know it would probably hurt a little bit to talk to me face to face, but i just don' like it. not one little bit.
so the milkshake date was fun. quite fun. an, i like dates. everyone should take me on milkshake dates. hahahahahaaa. <33333
steve is visiting on sunday, and i'm sosososososoossssooooo excited. i haven't seen him in a year and a half, and it's about time he visits me. (i'm going to shoot someone if it snows.)
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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i miss chris. i honestly do. when he told me that he was that he was upset about me kissing bryan the other day, it broke my heart. i wanted to go to his house, and hug him until he felt better. is that strange?
i never stopped caring about him, and i never tried to give him that impression. he sort of pushed breaking up more than i did, so i figured that that was what he wanted. i thought we both agreed that it just wouldn't work out. maybe we should have tried harder...
i don't know. i don't know what i'm thinking. i don't know what i'm doing. like i said, my heart is all over the place. it wouldn't be fair to give it someone without being sure about it.
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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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new rule that went into effect last night:
no going to the chance until further notice because my mom's cop friend told her that there is this really gansta black gang that likes to hang out outside and beat up white kids. apparently some kid got mugged and severely beaten up a couple weeks ago, and my mom is scared to let me go there. so yeah, i'm not allowed anymore. sorry guys. no more shows for me.
<333333333
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Monday, December 8th, 2003
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sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. i kissed a boyyyyyyy.
<3333333
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it's over and done with, and i'm relieved.
but i cried a little, which is weird. i didn't that that was going to happen.
but all in all, it was the best thing for both of us. <3
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Sunday, December 7th, 2003
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my heart is in a million different places. it can't decide where it wants to settle. is it fair of me to give it to anyone?
matters of the heart are not my specialty.
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thank you for leaving without even a goodbye, and thank you for not calling. it wouldn't have fixed anything.
i guess i just thought i could make this work, all by myself, and i can't. you're not willing to conform to my needs, and vice versa. thats too much of a stretch, for both of us.
i'm discouraged beyond belief.
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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
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exciting things are happening. i'm having an amazing weekend, despite being snowed in, and not being able to go to that party, was quite lovely. i'm beginning to think that a party with brian shimanky wouldn't be the best of ideas right now.
chris is angry with me over some stupid shit that i didn't even mean. cheer up, sweetheart, it was a joke. i didn't accused you of anything. i know you and that girl aren't anything. (or are you? ahahhhaaaa.)
i'm happy, and you know why. <3
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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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since i couldn't go with bryan and watch him get scarred for life, he came over and showed his new tattoo to me. he also gave me a "mixtape", and it's lovely, and quite entertaining. then we watched tv, and made fun of paris hilton. then my mother made hi leave because he was disturbing the animals. (they hate him.) <3333
blah. more later.
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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
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so yeah. i'm not allowed to go with sledge to get his tattoo. my parents think that "it's inappropriate for a 16 year old girl to be in a tattoo parlor watching some boy that we've never met get ink injected into his arm." sometimes i forget how old i am. i feel like a grown up, but i'm not at all, and i hate it. they also think that tattoos are for degenerates. (my sister has three tattoos, one of which she got when she was 17, with my father's permission. pssssh, whatever.)
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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
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i hate this. not being able to take asprin because of your stupid period is stupid. my brain is going to explode.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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menstruation is for wimps, and i wish i were a boy.
that is all.
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Friday, November 28th, 2003
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the only thing that sucks about thanksgiving is washing the skanky, crusty pot that you cooked the turkey in the next day.
bryan sledge wants me to come with him to get his tattoo on sunday. should i go? i might get scared, and cry for him because he's going to get needles stuck in his arm. :::shudders:::
i love everyone.
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Thursday, November 27th, 2003
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thanksgiving is coming to a close, and all is well. today was wonderful, and i love being alive. i am thankful for my every family member, friend, and acquaintance. i hope you all have had a truly enjoyable day.
as for right now, my bed is calling my name, but i'm not going to sleep. i'm going to savor this feeling of well being for a little while longer.
<3
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xxlucyxx's journal
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